Dave's Transformers Rant: Laser Cycles

     Well, my brother (who's working in Cedar Point's band for the summer)
dropped into town for his day off and wanted to go to a Mediaplay, so I got
him to go to one by the Target Racarius got his Autorolers at.  No
Autorollers (I suspect the metallic hand of Raksha in this) but scads of
Laser Cycles.

CAPSULE REVIEWS:

Price: $9.99 at Target 

Packaging: Card-backed with tech-specs both on outside packaging and on pop
     up card inside.

     Road Pig: Blocky and not as poseable as I'd like, but fairly sturdy.
Some joints too stiff, transformation a bit simplistic.  Bitchin' hog,
though.  Biggest problem: weird legs.  Decepticon.
     Road Rocket: Very fragile legs pull apart if you look at them wrong,
arms less than poseable due to wheels getting in way.  Legs way too long in
shin (thigh is about a centimeter or less long) making for poor poseability.
Hips so stiff that knees will pop before the hip moves.  Somewhat better
looking robot mode, though.  Autobot.
     Both: No stickers, powerful LEDs (Road Rocket seems more impressive
without his saw attached to the light!), VERY good motorcycle forms, tires
even partially rubberized.  No allegiance symbols, although Road Pig has
"Transformers" on his gas tank.  Good colors.
     Recommendation: Wait until someone drops the price to $8.  Neat if you
have money to burn, but not worth a mad scramble or serious debt.


RANTS and TECHSPECS

Decepticon ROAD PIG
Function: Autobot Harassment
"Light my fuse and I'll race like a rocket!"

     A street thug with a reputation for instigating trouble.  Once
challenged an order from Megatron, but backed down after nearly having his
internal wiring pulled out through his visual receptors.  Has no known
friends among the Decepticons.  Processing circuitry slow -- intelligence
minimal.  Considered to be a rebel without a clue by Autobot enemies.  Prowls
streets at night searching for victims to intimidate, harass and eventually
destroy with his metal-slashing light saber.  Easily detected by internally
illuminated engine which superheats when he's angry.

STR 8  INT 2  SPD 7  END 5  RNK 3  COUR 5.5  FRP 6  SKL 4  Avg 5.0625  Tot
40.5

     Sorry, but his "saber" looks an awfully lot like a ranged weapon to me.
I do like what his techspec has to say about Megatron's personality. }-> I'd
be much more impressed with thie toy (and consider it worth the ten bucks) if
his headlights also lit up when you pushed the button, but they don't.
Stiffness of elbow joint is important because it must be rotated 180 degrees
to transform him.  His knee joint is more like halfway down his shin, with
the joint at his "true" knee location being chicken-legged.  Ratcheting
joints in knees are also too stiff and make transformation difficult.  I'm
afraid excessive force *is* required for this guy.  Kickstand is a bit
fragile and will tend to snap off while you're wrestling with his
transformation.  I only wish they'd gotten the license to make this a real
Harley Davidson and not a close approximation.
     Has two buttons for his light effect, check directions.
     Pop-up card still needs a knife to get up without ripping.

Autobot ROAD ROCKET
Function: Street Defense
"I'm faster than the speed of light!"

     Although he exaggerates actual speed capabilities, this Autobot can
really burn up the pavement!  Always ready to hit the throttle hard and race
into battle.  Constantly red lines his triple-turbo engine which glows upon
reaching excessive temperature parameters.  Cools off by ingesting mixture of
antifreeze and oil for catalytic stabilization.  Light saber weapon dissolves
Decepticon armor faster than ice cream melts on a summertime sidewalk.

STR 6  INT 6  SPD 8  END 4  RNK 4  COUR 5  FRP 6  SKL 5  Avg 5.125  Tot 41

     Someone hide this guy's thesaurus!  "Excessive temperature parameters"
my optic!  Except for the face, robot form looks acceptibly like a Motoslave
from Bubblegum Crisis.  Saw weapon is removable and he actually looks more
menacing without it...the light is pretty strong.  Hips are too stiff and
knees are too weak, making it very hard to find a pose for him that won't
sag.  Correction, hips are too stiff in one direction, but sag quite nastily
in the "splits" direction.  Left forearm covers head in cycle mode, but the
hollow space looks really ugly in robot mode.  Legs in general remind me of
Manta Ray of the Rotor Force.
     Fairly complex transformation (be sure to remove his weapon before
trying to transform him).  Cycle mode is pretty cool but marred by the LED
cord sticking out the side.  Pop up card more robust and can be popped up
without needing a knife.

     Dave Van Domelen, hopes to get AutoRollers Saturday....