"THE BEAST WARS LINE" by Wombattras
          inspired by "Green Eggs and Ham" by Dr. Seuss
               Copyright Dave Van Domelen 1996

I'm a Lion.
I'm a Lion.
Lionodyne.

     That Lionodyne!
     That Lionodyne!
     I do not like that Lionodyne!

Do you like the Beast Wars Line?

     I do not like them, Lionodyne.
     I do not like the Beast Wars Line.

Would you buy it in the store?

     I would not buy it in the store.
     They do not make good toys no more.
     I do not like the Beast Wars Line.
     I do not like them, Lionodyne.

Would you keep them in your room?
Would you make a WAD for DOOM?

     I would not keep them in my room.
     I would not make a WAD for DOOM.
     I would not buy it in the store.
     They do not make good toys no more.
     I do not like the Beast Wars Line.
     I do not like them, Lionodyne.

Would you transform to a bat?
Could you transform to a cat?

     Not to a bat.
     Not to a cat.
     Not in my room.
     Not even DOOM.
     I would not buy it in the store.
     They do not make good toys no more.
     I do not like the Beast Wars Line.
     I do not like them, Lionodyne.

Does it have to be a car?
Buy them!  Buy them!  Here they are!

     It really has to be a car.

You may like them.
You will see.
You may like one with a bee!

     I would not, could not, with a bee.
     Must be a car!  You let me be.
     I would not like one as a bat.
     I would not like one as a cat.
     I would not keep them in my room.
     I would not make a WAD for DOOM.
     I would not buy it in the store.
     They do not make good toys no more
     I do not like the Beast Wars Line.
     I do not like them, Lionodyne.

T-Rex!  T-Rex!
T-Rex!  T-Rex!
Could you, would you, buy T-Rex?

     Not a T-Rex!  Not with a bee!
     Must be a car!  Lion!  Let me be!
     I would not, could not, as a bat.
     I would not, could not, as a cat.
     I will not keep them in my room.
     I will not make a WAD for DOOM.
     I will not buy it in the store.
     They do not make good toys no more.
     I do not like the Beast Wars Line.
     I do not like them, Lionodyne.

Say!  On the web!
Here on the web!
Would you, could you, check the web?

     I would not, could not, read the web.

Would you, could you, read tech specs?

     I would not, could not, read tech specs.
     Not on the web.  Not for T-Rex.
     Must be a car.  Not with a bee.
     I do not like them, Lion, you see.
     Not in my room.  Not as a bat.
     Not as a WAD.  Not as a cat.
     I will not buy them in the store.
     They do not make good toys no more.

You do not like the Beast Wars Line?

     I do not like it, Lionodyne.

Could you, would you, buy an ape?

     I could not, would not, buy an ape.

Would you, could you, watch this tape?

     I would not, could not, watch this tape.
     I will not, will not, buy an ape.
     I will not read the card's tech specs.
     I will not even buy T-Rex.
     Not on the web!  Not with a bee!
     Give me a car and let me be!
     I do not like it as a bat.
     I do not like it as a cat.
     I will not keep them in my room.
     I do not even own this "DOOM".
     I will not buy them in the store.
     They do not make good toys no more!
     I do not like the Beast Wars Line.
     I do not like them Lionodyne.

You do not like them.
So you say.
Try them!  Try them!
And you may.
Try them and you may, I say.

     Lion!
     If you will let me be,
     I will try them.
     You will see.

     Say!
     I like the Beast Wars Line!
     I do!  I like them, Lionodyne.
     And I would watch them on your tape.
     And I will buy one as an ape...
     And I will read the cards' tech specs.
     And read the web.  And buy T-Rex.
     I love the car, but love the bee.
     They're both so good, so good, you see!

     So I will change one to a bat.
     And I will change one to a cat.
     And I will keep them in my room.
     And I will get those files for DOOM.
     And I will buy them in the store.
     Say!  They DO make good toys anymore!

     I do so like the Beast Wars Line!
     Thank you!
     Thank you!
     Lionodyne. 

===========================================================================

Author's Notes:

     Back in 1996, there was a lot of fan-hate for the then-new Beast Wars
line.  As a gag, I founded the Beast Wars Anti-Def...well, a group dedicated
to defending BW from defamation.  The above piece was part of the
festivities.  
     Unfortunately, the Anti-Defamation League sent a Cease and Desist letter
to the university where I was studying at the time.  They guard their
trademark very tightly.  So the page was shut down, although somewhere I
still have all the information on CD backup.  A pity, really...it could have
become BW's equivalent of the Legion of Net.Heroes.