Dave's Beast McHines Rant:

     1) Cheetor
     2) Optimus Primal
     3) Megatron
     4) Jetstorm
     5) Rattrap
     6) Blackarachnia
     7) Thrust
     8) Nightscream
     9) Tankor

     Well, thanks to Alex Costa and my own efforts, I now have all nine
McDonalds Happy Meal Beast Machines toys.  Prices varied wildly depending on
the store...I got some for fifty cents each, and have heard of prices up to
three dollars in some areas.  Now, of course, the promotion is over and
they'll only be available at rummage sales, flea markets and the usual
scalper resale places.
     All nine toys transform, and they're pretty "show accurate," although
proportions may be weird in one or both modes.  Typical heights in robot mode
range from about 3" to 4" (8-10cm).
     There's two Happy Meal boxes, one featuring Maximals, the other
featuring Vehicons.  I got the Vehicon box, which was the only one they had
out the one time I asked.  On the main face it shows Megatron in robot mode,
with the label "Vehicle mode" below it.  Oops.  On the side is a punch-out
Jetstorm bookmark.
     Each toy comes in a baggie with a plastic molded tray keeping it from
shipping damage.  There's a coupon in each bag for $3 off $15 or more of TFs,
good until the end of August...2001.  So, even if they charge you $1.99 each
(as I've heard at least one place does), you come out ahead if you plan to
buy any Transformers in the next year.  Well, most of the toys have the
coupon, anyway.  There seemed to be some problems with collation.


1 - CHEETOR

     Definitely the loser of the batch.  He has a tiny little pinhead with
insufficient paint.  His spark is opaque (although he has a lot of
translucent green bits).  His knees swivel sideways, for some unfathomable
reason which only seems to hurt both modes.  His transformation is almost
identical to Primal's, but more simplistic and with a less impressive result,
if that's possible (pinhead in beast mode, too!).  And it's really hard to
stand him up on his tiny feet and warped legs.  Easier to rock him back on
his huge heel spurs.
     Don't bother with this one unless you're a completist or want another
coupon (in which case, a spare Primal or Megs would be better).

2 - OPTIMUS PRIMAL

     This mold is actually pretty show-accurate, except for a bit of
deformation to give him an overly large head.  The paint job on the head
makes it look wrong, however.  Tallest of the three in robot mode, his torso
is mostly transparent amber plastic with a red spark crystal in his belly
button.  His forearms are big and blocky like on the show.  His arms move at
the shoulders and pivote above the elbows (necessary for transformation).
His hips and knees have swivel joints.  As part of the transformation, his
head can look up or down.  He has a panel on his back that splits apart and
apparently is supposed to be opened somewhat in this mode, but there's no
instructions.
     Transformation involves swinging the head around (there's an axle that
runs between his shoulders, one head stays in the chest) to reveal the
unpainted gold gorilla head, then pose the body in a more gorilla-like
posture.  The legs don't really cooperate with this.
     Beast mode is pretty weak.  The mold of the head is all wrong, and the
legs don't work right.
     Overall, a good robot mode in need of some paint work, and a forgettable
beast mode.

3 - MEGATRON

     Like several of the toys, he comes packaged in a sort of hybrid mode.
His cloak is closed, but his dragon head is peeking out.  Flip the head back
to reveal the robot head.  On the underside of the dragon head are molded
wires, to represent the connection of Megatron's control helmet to the rest
of Cybertron.  The cloak is very show-accurate, if a bit wide, and includes
arms molded in relief on the sides.  The cloak is translucent blue and looks
pretty good.  However, this mode lacks paint in a big way, with Megatron's
head being just unpainted blue.  No articulation at all.
     Transformation involves opening the cloak, pulling up the dragon head
and neck, and leaning the toy forward a bit.
     Wings are painted/molded on the inside of the cloak, but there's no hint
of dragon forelimbs, even molded.  There's certainly ROOM for forelimbs, so
the omission has to be a cost-related thing, not design-related.  The colors
aren't really show-accurate, but they're not too bad.  He has a red spark
crystal on his belly, which seems to be foil-backed to catch the light (since
transmission of light won't work in this case).  The chest is translucent
purple plastic painted over in places with red.  The legs bend at the hips,
and the head moves up and down at the neck, but that's about it for
articulation.  
     Overall, not a bad effort, but definitely something for a repainting
project, perhaps some remolding to add dragon arms.

4 - JETSTORM

     No plastic tray for this one, and it's one of the bigger toys thanks to
the wingspan.  Definitely needs some splashes of paint (kitbash time!), but
looks pretty show-accurate in jet mode.  The neck can't swing side to side,
but the cockpit can open like a mouth, oddly.  The cockpit has "eyes" of
translucent red, but they only really light up in profile.
     Transformation is simple but results in a pretty good robot mode, at
least for the upper body.  The cockpit splits open to form a pedestal base,
and the "neck" elongates so that the toy isn't too stubby.  Or, of course,
you can leave the cockpit alone for a show mode.  
     The robot head turns a bit and the arms (handless though they may be)
have some range of motion.  Jetstorm's wasp-waist is simulated by having
colorless clear plastic in the relevant parts of his torso.  His spark is
clear plastic, but does not light up when shone on from the back.  HOWEVER,
he has two spots on his back that are clear red, and they shine through his
colorless clear plastic flanks to be blaster points or something.
     Anyway, it's not too hard to see why this one was chosen to be featured
in the ads.  It probably has the most "neat-o" factor of the nine.

5 - RATTRAP

     The first thing that hits you is, "He's GREEN!"  However, it turns out
that Mega Rattrap is also green, so they didn't screw this one up.  It's just
weird to see a green rat.  He comes in the package partially transformed.
     Rat mode looks okay, although the "tail molded along the back" trick
didn't look right on the original McBeast Panther, and it still doesn't look
good.  The robot head just sort of hangs under the beast head like a goiter.
There's a clear red plastic part on the "driver's seat" on his back, which
lets light shine through to his spark on the belly.
     Transformation is pretty simple, but does have the nice extra step of
reversing the arms so that robotic patterns are brought to the outside of the
shoulders.  Most of his body is translucent red plastic, which doesn't go
well with the green.  His head is translucent green plastic with a painted
on white face.  As with Primal, the wrong bits are translucent on the head,
making a good mold look bad.
     Unfortunately, Rattrap just doesn't stand on his own in this wheeled
robot mode.  You either have to keep his wheels not QUITE fully extended
(which isn't very stable) or lean him against something.  One of the losers
of the set.

6 - BLACKARACHNIA

     She comes packaged in robot mode.  She's mostly a reddish magenta color
with yellow accents and black hair.  Arms and legs move, but she's kinda hard
to stand due to a combination of short feet and back-heaviness.  If the legs
hanging off her "bustle" could move more, they might help in standing her up,
but they don't.
     Transformation is fairly clever for a cheap Happy Meal toy, and her legs
do each split into two spider legs (although ones with humanoid feet sticking
up at the ends).  It's not very stable, though, as the swiveling abdomen
piece just doesn't lock into place.
     The beast mode is about as good as you could expect from something this
cheap.  There's clear robot bits visible, and the rear pair of legs is more
like a set of Chevy fins.  They don't touch the floor, they just jut out the
back. 

7 - THRUST

     Comes in no actual mode, with his tailpipes pointed the wrong way to
help him fit.  The cycle mode is a somewhat "cute" compressed version of the
proper one, but with pretty much the right colors.  The tailpiles are
translucent blue plastic with yellow patterns painted on.  His rear wheel is
wide enough that the cycle stays upright without help (the base that comes
with the toy is ONLY for robot mode).
     Transformation is a matter of unfolding it once and then messing with
the arms.  Unfortunately, the head seems to be hinged to bend the wrong way.
When you straighten the toy up enough to be stable, the head can't look down
far enough to see forward.  I'm not sure why the head is even jointed at all,
unless you want Thrust to look up at the falling rock about to squish him.
     The robot mode ends up looking kinda hunchbacked if you want him able to
look forward, but it's a delicate balance...it's just barely into the stable
region of the waist hinge when you reach the point where Thrust can't look
down.  The toy comes with a base that the foot wheel snaps into, although it
only supports the figure if it leans back.  Lean Thrust forward even a little
and he flops to the floor (although his wheel stays locked in.  Breathe on
him wrong and he kips over.  Raise his arms and he falls.  You get the idea.
     Looks nice, but has some weird engineering flaws that could have easily
been fixed.  Hmm, just found a use for the way his head bends.  It lets him
do a faceplant with his "legs' up in the air and his chin scraping the
pavement.  

8 - NIGHTSCREAM

     Pakacged in robot mode.  I've heard this described as looking like a
monkey, and that's about right.  The way he holds his arm and hunches his
shoulders is very monkey-like.  And so is his face.  Mainly brown and yellow
with translucent blue lower legs, it's a little hard to get him to stand
thanks to the wobblyness of his knees and the way the wings on his legs
curve.  However, he is more or less show-accurate.
     Correction...he's not quite packaged in robot mode, as I found when
trying to transform him.  In robot mode, his bat head is behind his robot
head, appropriate considering that he can use his sonic screamer in robot
mode.  Anyway, transformation SEEMS to involve swinging his bat head back
around to face his butt, positioning his legs as wings, and raising his robot
arms over his robot head to be trailing bat feet.  
     The head can turn back and forth, but being blue and yellow and brown it
looks prety ugly.  The wings are so floppy that they really can't be posed.
Although I suppose if you shake the toy up and down, the wings flap.
     Overall, pretty clever, but so ugly and floppy it may not be worth the
trouble.

9 - TANKOR

     Packaged in tank mode.  With the exception of his head being not flat
enough, this mode is almost dead on accurate for the show, if a tiny bit
"superdeformed" (making it a perfect match for my SD Megastorm).  The spark
in his body is lit from behind by a lightpipe, which also lights up the five
"missile launcher" pips.
     Transformation involves tilting the head back 90 degrees, pulling
forearm claws out of the rear treads, and unfolding the front treads into
stubby legs.  Or not, if you'd rather go for a more squat Tankor.  You can
make it look more show-accurate from the front if you put the legs upside
down so that the bottoms of the feet form triangular-front treads.
     The proportions of the robot mode are a bit off, with a huge head and
somewhat elongated torso, but it's perhaps closer to the show version than
the Mega Tankor.  The cannon can't be stowed on his back unless he's looking
to his right, because of where the joint is.  And frankly, the puny claws he
has make me think he should be warning Will Robinson of danger.  
     Overall, while the robot mode is kinda weak, the vehicle mode is good
enough to make up for that.  Just the thing for an army of (repainted) tank
drones if you can assemble a bunch of 'em.

     Dave Van Domelen, also got Mega Megatron (or Minitron, as I call him)
today, but won't review it until later.